We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
