I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
