oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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