I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He passed out mid-signature
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
