how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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