32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together