I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.