So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
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I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
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He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.