I want to stick my p in your. b.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...