that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
