the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
