Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She told me I should be a condom model.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize