its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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