Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
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He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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