By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
