White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
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