I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Vodka?
Forever.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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