so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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