I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
