Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
