I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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