i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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