Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
