So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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