OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
