Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
