I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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