sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
