Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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