I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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