She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
