Sponge bath it is.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
