what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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