I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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