the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
