So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
