I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Randomize
