his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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