I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
