Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
