He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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