census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
