I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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