It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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