The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
