So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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