yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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