i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
