I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
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Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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