LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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