Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
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I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
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I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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