mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
