I'm drive I can fine osifer
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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