just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
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just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
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Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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