Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
