you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
