you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
