u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
