I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
