So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
