Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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