Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
